Why People Who Lack Love Struggle to Form Intimate Relationships
According to American clinical psychologist Jonice Webb, the concept of "emotional neglect" in childhood can have a lasting impact on an individual's personality, emotional expression, and relationships. When a person's emotional needs are consistently ignored or unmet during their formative years, it can lead to difficulties in forming intimate relationships as an adult. This is because individuals who have experienced emotional neglect may struggle to open up to others, fearing rejection or abandonment.
7 June 2025
As a result, they may adopt a self-reliant approach to life, choosing to handle challenges and difficulties on their own rather than seeking help or support from others. This can lead to a pattern of behavior characterized by a fear of intimacy, an avoidance of emotional vulnerability, and a tendency to sabotage relationships or abandon them prematurely. Webb's concept of emotional neglect highlights the importance of recognizing and addressing the emotional needs of children, as neglect or disregard for these needs can have a profound and lasting impact on their future relationships and overall well-being.
For individuals who have experienced a lack of love, their inner world is often plagued by deep-seated self-doubt, perceiving themselves as unworthy of being truly loved. This mistrust serves as an invisible barrier, standing between them and the possibility of intimate relationships. Moreover, due to the long-term deprivation of emotional nourishment, their ability to express emotions remains underdeveloped, akin to that of a child. When confronted with a partner's care and affection, they frequently find themselves at a loss, uncertain of how to respond, and thus resort to silence or avoidance.
This phenomenon stems from the inherent fear that they are not deserving of love, a perception that sabotages their ability to form meaningful connections. The anxiety of being approached by someone with supposedly ulterior motives becomes a pervasive concern, overshadowing any potential joy or excitement that might otherwise accompany the prospect of a new relationship. As a result, the relationship often stagnates, with the partner left feeling perplexed and uncertain about how to bridge the emotional gap. It is essential to recognize that every individual has the right to experience love and connection, and those who have been deprived of love in the past are, in fact, more deserving of beautiful and fulfilling relationships.
The struggle to form and maintain healthy relationships is further complicated by the individual's tendency to misinterpret or overanalyze their partner's actions, fueled by their own unmet emotional needs. A casual remark or unintended slight can be misconstrued as a personal attack, triggering a cascade of negative emotions and destructive behaviors. This self-perpetuating cycle of fear, anxiety, and mistrust can be incredibly debilitating, making it arduous for them to develop the trust, openness, and mutual understanding that are essential components of a fulfilling and intimate connection. Individuals who have experienced a lack of emotional nurturing in their past may find themselves caught in a cycle of emotional dysregulation, struggling to reconcile their deep-seated need for love and connection with their instinctual need to protect themselves from the risk of hurt and rejection.
However, it is possible for individuals who have been deprived of love to emerge transformed. Through self-reflection, seeking professional help, and gradually opening their hearts, these individuals can begin to shed the emotional shadows that have held them back, ultimately finding the love and happiness that is rightfully theirs. This process involves a deep dive into self-discovery, acknowledging the past, and understanding how it has shaped their perception of love and relationships. Accepting that their experiences, though painful, are a part of their story but do not define their future, is a crucial step. By acknowledging their vulnerabilities and the fears that have held them back, they can start to dismantle the barriers they've erected around their hearts.
Seeking professional help, such as therapy, can provide a safe space for these reflections. A therapist can offer guidance and support, helping individuals unpack their feelings and develop strategies to cope with past traumas or insecurities. Gradually opening up to others is also a key part of this journey, allowing themselves to be vulnerable with others, starting with small steps like forming friendships or engaging in social activities. The power of community and support networks should not be underestimated, as surrounding themselves with positive, supportive individuals who model healthy relationship behaviors can be incredibly empowering.

Ultimately, the journey for those deprived of love is one of resilience and hope. It's about breaking free from the chains of their past and embracing the possibility of a future filled with love, connection, and intimacy. Every step forward, no matter how small it may seem, is a testament to their strength and a reminder that they deserve to be loved and cherished. By taking these steps, they can slowly begin to heal, grow, and find the love they've always deserved. With time, effort, and patience, individuals can work through their challenges and develop the skills and confidence needed to form and maintain meaningful, intimate relationships, culminating in a more fulfilling life.
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