Marriage Is Not a One-Size-Fits-All Affair

As the Buddhist master, Hongyi Fashi, once said, "Don't believe the nonsense that marriage is the same with anyone. The right person can pull you back from the depths of hell, while the wrong person can drag you down into the abyss, even if you're in heaven." The choice of a life partner is a crucial decision that affects one's happiness and well-being for the rest of their life. Finding a compatible partner, one who shares similar values, personality traits, and life goals, is essential for a happy and fulfilling marriage.

A personal experience that highlights the importance of choosing a suitable partner is the story of my brother, who had a five-year relationship that ended in a breakup. After the breakup, he appeared carefree and indifferent, going out with friends and attending arranged blind dates. However, a phone call from him one night revealed a different story. He was drunk and rambling, but eventually opened up about his true feelings, showing that beneath his tough exterior, he was still deeply emotional and struggling to move on.

As time passed, my brother seemed to have moved on, getting engaged to a new woman and starting a new business. However, when I asked him if he truly liked his new fiancée, his response was telling: "It's not about liking or not liking, it's about being comfortable." This response seemed to hint at a sense of resignation and pragmatism, rather than romance or passion. His words also seemed to echo the sentiment that "you'll eventually understand that marrying anyone is the same," a notion that underscores the importance of finding a partner with whom one shares a deep connection.

The concept of marriage varies greatly among individuals, reflecting diverse perspectives on what constitutes a fulfilling and meaningful partnership. For some, marriage is a union built on love and mutual responsibility, where two people come together to support and care for each other through life's journey. Others view it as a merger of lives and finances, a pooling of resources to create a stronger, more stable unit. The story of the "zi shu nu," or self-combed women, who lived in a bygone era and chose to remain unmarried and independent, pursuing their own paths and financial freedom, offers a fascinating contrast to modern times, where there is an increasing trend towards choosing singleness, childfree lifestyles, or non-traditional family structures.

In essence, the approach to marriage is deeply personal and subjective, influenced by individual values, aspirations, and the societal context in which one lives. Whether one chooses to embark on the journey of life with a partner or to walk alone, the paramount importance lies in aligning one's choices with one's true desires and aspirations, thereby living a genuinely authentic and fulfilling life. Ultimately, marrying someone you love and with whom you share mutual respect and understanding can indeed lead to a happier and more fulfilling life, as opposed to entering into a union based solely on convenience or financial considerations.

Personal reflections on marriage and love serve as a poignant reminder of the importance of self-awareness, personal growth, and the pursuit of one's own happiness. The modern ethos of self-reliance and the empowerment that comes from taking charge of one's life and decisions, including those related to love, marriage, and financial independence, is a key aspect of achieving a satisfying life. As individuals navigate the complexities of marriage and love, it is essential to consider both the emotional and economic aspects of a relationship, striving for a balanced approach that prioritizes mutual respect, understanding, and personal fulfillment.